Hat C/O George at Asda | Bardot Top C/O George at Asda | Jeans C/O George at Asda | Shoes Monsoon | Watch Larsson & Jennings | Bag Charity Shop | Photography Matt McCormick
So I wrote a post about where Summer had got to? Then within an hour of the post going live we were subject to temperatures way past 20 degrees Celsius. I now know that all I need to do to win the lottery is write a blog post about “WHERE ALL MA MONEY AT?” (I joke, of course!) so I was a little bit worried to write a post only days later entitled “The sun has got his hat on” that he might go back on his jollies and take his sunshine elsewhere and leave us Brits with the rain, again. I guess I’m going to have to take a risk and we will just have to wait and see, won’t we?
Do you ever have those moments where you just sit there & think “boy, I love my life” kinda times? I seem to going through one of those phases & I so desperately hope that it doesn’t end any time soon.
I spent a lot of time wallowing in self-pity after the wedding last year. I comfort ate, I never exercised so I just ballooned in weight. All that hard work for the wedding was in tatters. Sadly, I’m one of those types of people who never stick anything out. You know the type, the ones who jump on a bandwagon do it twice, maybe three times & then become bored so just give up. Whatever it was becomes a distant memory.
I’ve been determined to keep being positive in 2015. It was one of those so-called “resolutions” that we all make on New Years. So far, so good. Okay, I’m not immune to an odd moan from time to time but generally I feel it am a happier person.
So, what’s making you keep to your promise I hear you all ask? Well I will tell you if you really are keen to know.
At 25 I still haven’t passed my driving test. I am a sad, sorry state of affairs that relies on public transport (sob!) or the taxi of Mr C. Whilst it’s great to be driven around like a lady of leisure I most certainly don’t feel like one. So, after the kind donation of my Nana’s salmon pink corsa (she’s called Mavis don’t you know, so for the purposes of this post you will know who, sorry, what I am referring to!) So, on Sunday Mavis got her first test drive on the open road. No, not just on private land, an actual road with other passing cars tooting along next to me. I can’t tell you how wonderfully frightening it was but I got the taste of freedom (albeit Mr C was in the passenger seat keeping a mindful eye on matters.) I can’t believe, in fact, I hate to believe that I have gone so many years without driving. So, it is now my duty to make sure I pass my test this year & be my person without having to to rely on terrible timetables or my husbands schedule.
Secondly, we
have finally joined a gym. For a mere £25 a month I can swim and gym to my heart’s content. And it’s not just me doing it, Mr C is coming along for the ride too (hey, you see what I did there right?) After being told by the doctors that in order for his back to get better he must swim & gym up to three times a week. Whilst he drives me nuts with his “Come on get a jog on” comments and the “you go first & I will follow” orders, secretly I am super happy that he’s joining me. It means we can both get fit together & it gets us out of the house too. In the meantime I am dropping the lbs (or at least I hope I am!) to a newer, slimmer & more toned me. I can’t wait to see my results in the next few weeks!
Thirdly, I’m just enjoying life. The things I previously disliked would not have even been sniffed at, but now I am learning to just accept things. Those who know me or know of my rambling “about me” I proclaim to dislike cats. Well, for Xmas the father in law bought mother in law a kitty cat much to her delight (& to my horror!) after weeks of squirming when it came near me or tried to touch me I decided to finally pluck up the courage to stroke her. And in return I got a nice little lick on my finger and then a playful claw to it. I exclaimed “You little shit!” I smiled and it actually hugged my arm. According to my mother in law I’m the only person she comes to. So maybe this cat-hating devil lady (yes, that is me) may have thawed over & decided that she may have a little hole in her life that can be filled with some kitty love….
Life is kinda funny right? I have read some truly beautiful posts recently from Megan at Wonderful–You and it made my heart bleed, but all the same empowering. Accepting things in life sounds like a cowards way out but in truth, it’s accepting it & how we deal with circumstances that slowly makes us a better person. I’ve finally come to realise that. I’m a twenty-five year old woman (yes, a woman) and try as I might I have carved my own little life for myself, there is no point trying to change things drastically. Just be a better person, doing things that make you happy with you & who you actually are! I’m finally taking back some of my self-worth & I’m on that path to ”Be the Boss” of my happiness.
Today I really struggled. Sometimes tears just have to fall despite trying to keep your head above water. It would seem that tears keep falling a bit too frequently at the moment. To me this indicates that I’m not just swimming without a paddle, I’m slowly sinking. Things are tough at the moment and those things that are just going round my head like a whirling derby. I need to start taking my own ”Happy Selves” advice but sometimes it’s hard to sing from your own hymn sheet, you know?
I’m making slow positive steps and creating myself a new diet and exercise plan, to motivate me, but once I make a positive step I seem to jump a few hurdles back. I’ve been somewhat lacking in motivation for the last few months. With a countdown to our holiday in Egypt I think it is the welcome break I need after a very crazy, roller coaster year. This month marks a year since my dear Granddad was taken in to hospital with pancreatitis, a very deadly disease. It was a raw & painful 5 months and the family pulled together through some of our darkest times. He defied all odds, and there were a lot stacked against him, but he came home earlier this year to open arms.
It seems the winter months are the hardest, for most people they are. The dark mornings, the pitch black nights. You barely live an existence (or that is how I feel, which is probably down to my own personal issues). But, things just generally start going wrong at this time of year. Planning forward I know I need to see a light at the end of the tunnel & I am slowly getting there but it’s pulling everyone else dear to me in to the light too. I take on not just my own personal battles but the ones of those I love and surround me, too.
2014 was a beautiful year for James & I, we got married and it was a wonderful day celebrating just him & I. A day I will never forget. I am thankful for those moments and it’s them that I need to cling on to to bring me closer to feeling 100% right again. I’d hate for this entry to end on a negative note. One day I am a half empty glass kind of girl and the next it’s half full, even brimming. I suppose that’s my exuberant nature of my personality. It is like a see-saw and I just need to find that balance.
Footnote: I had a chat with my boss after writing this and it felt so great to just release all the demons that have been plaguing me recently. It was so nice to speak so openly and honestly with someone that you look up to and respect without being judged. The advice was sincere and genuine, I know I’m going in the right direction by asking for help rather than drowning on my own. I can do this. I just need to always remember,
I think I had a mini mid-twenties crisis on my blogging hiatus. I’m 25 next month, no biggie? A whole quarter of a century and halfway to fifty. You can probably hear the sound of me hitting my head against the laptop whilst you read this. In fact there is a whole wikipedia post on the matter!
Whilst I took my hiatus, I thought at the time it was a perfect opportunity to relax and not have to worry about scheduling posts and how many hits the page had. It was going to be a time to just not have to think about anything, really. Looking back on that period I realised whilst it was good for my blogging soul, that month I tortured myself with other things to replace the blogging void in my life.
Rightmove. I love looking at houses at the best of times, but this website consumed me for a whole month. Ever find yourself lusting after a house? Yeah, me too. But, instead of just looking at them on the website I decided I was going to to book two viewings, luckily, my current Husband & I (I say ‘’current’’ as I swear he wanted to kill/divorce me after receiving email after email of suggested homes we should go view!) was saved as one had just been taken off the market. We went to view the house, it was ok, I obviously went in to it with my head over heart but it was a good job the other half was there to keep me in real world & thankfully we didn’t end up with a mortgage the size of the whole universe.
My mind had been plagued with thoughts of babies. God help me?! I was obsessed with the fact we needed a bigger house for the eventualities that a brood might bring, because our little two up/two down would not cope with this. What?! I mean, Mr C & I know we don’t want to hear the tiny sound of pitter patters anytime soon, but for some reason I could not stop thinking about it. I even had a little weep when he told me that ‘’it wouldn’t be anytime soon.’’ I really had hit rock bottom.
You’re all probably groaning at my apparent meltdown because really, 25 is no age at all. I’ve bought a house, I’m married and I have a really good job that I enjoy. In fact most of you will think that I have done too much, too soon. Whilst you’re all probably right, I would not change it for the world.
I have some wonderful things in my life, that I am so grateful for! I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t switch off and blogging is a tool that helps me keep focussed even if it is just typing a few random words every now & then. I also need to remember to live in the now and stop thinking about if’s and but’s of the future. What will be, will be. Que cera, cera!
25 is an exciting age where you can enjoy so much and live in the now!
Of course, my post ends happily because I feel like I have had an epiphany, I have so much to look forward to and I am just enjoying my little space on the world wide web too. So, if anyone else had a mid-twenties crisis in the run up to the (big) TWO FIVE, I would love to hear from you and how you dealt with it or are you going through it now? In which case, let me know so we can soldier on through this together!
If you need a little pick me up, please join me as a regular host of the #HappySelves chat over on twitter, every first Monday of the month (starting 3rd November 2014) it’s a lovely chat where we all share good vibes and I would love you to join me on this one as it will mark a week of me turning 25, I might need you
Contrary to popular belief not all bloggers are clones & drones of the mass marketed brand demons. We say what we feel, we do what we want and we enjoy writing about it all on the World Wide Web. We are a strong set of individuals who have the time to share our inner most thoughts, our wardrobes, hints & tips all for the love of writing and the subject we are passionate about.
That’s where I think a lot of my blogging similarities end.
I’m probably going to get shouted at & berated for the below but here goes;
1) Cats. I dislike them. End. I never have and never will like them, if you find me professing my love for cats you will most likely find me a) on drugs or b) lying in a ditch somewhere and some imposter has taken over my blog. I have no desire to wear clothes covered in cats. I am a self confessed DAWG LOVER, nothing will ever change that…. (Unless someone was waving a million pounds in my face, I may change my stance!)
2) I just heard “Let it go” being played in my next door neighbours house & do you know what I wanted to do? Guess. Go on. I think you are quite warm there. You guessed it. I wanted to rip my FRICKING ears off. Don’t get me wrong I adore Disneyland & it’s happy go lucky atmosphere but seriously, the pandemic of Frozen needs to stop before we all go insane. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t see someone professing their love for the animated film! I would like to point out that the Frozen DVD is not on my Christmas list this year & I will not take kindly to it being in my Santa’s Sack!
3) I have no desire for make up. I end up looking like a clown, it’s a pain in the arse when you are melting in this heat & I have no idea what makes a good lipstick or mascara? If someone wants to enlighten me then please feel free but you will not catch me giving you make up tutorials on YouTube anytime soon.
4) I have no idea what I am doing. I write what I feel like, whether it be something I love or like in this post, have no inclination for. I ask the same question on twitter all the time “what da fffff does self hosting mean?” and no matter how many times someone tries to explain it still does not go in. So, for the foreseeable future my blog will stay ugly if that’s ok with you?
5) I don’t have a wild, exciting London-esque lifestyle. In fact I’m pretty boring. I live in a little house in the countryside and I wake up every morning, go to work (which I must add is not freelancing/fashion/beauty related) come home, cook tea, talk to the husband, go to bed and then you guessed it? Repeat it all over again. Eat, sleep, rave, repeat. It’s that simple.
I’d like to add that in no way, shape or form are my opinions right or correct on any of the above matters. I am most definitely NOT HATIN’ on you if you like or do any of the above. But I wanted to express that the above just ain’t me & never will be. I thought you might just “like to know.” (more…)
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