It’s time for one of those posts, one that’s to be taken with a pinch of salt, because quite frankly I love a good ol’ laugh (at myself mainly.) I noticed some comments recently on a blogging thread about how people are now steering away from the super glam bloggers to those that are a little more relate-able. Aint nobody got time (or money) for a YSL handbag and jetting off to far-flung destinations every week. For me, reading blogs that are more “down to earth” that have nice (not excessive) things on their blog make me come back more and more. As much as I would vie to be one of those bloggers who constantly struts around in a bikini 89.76% of the year whilst being wined & dined by big brands I just know that that will never be me, so here’s reasons why I’ll never be that perfect Blogger…
- My house isn’t white all over. There is one room that is white & that’s both my bathroom. Hello selfies sat on the loo insert sassy girl emoji
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I live with a messy dog and an even messier husband. Aint no place in my house where I can stand in front of a mirror in a clean room taking Mirror selfies for my insta. I’m cleaning n’ shit. Y’know, after my husband and dog.
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I love toilet humour too much. Which to most people is rather vulgar and pretty unprofesh. But, if you so much as sneer at me for laughing at toilet joke we can no longer be friends. Capiche?
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I have NOT got the bikini bod’ nor am I that confident with said (okayish) bod’. Simple. I don’t feel that my short, stumpy look fits a requirement that seems to be desired by brands to work with (or so it seems). Come at me brands if I am #CheekyPRRequest
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I do not have a very patient husband, you know the “Instagram Boyfriends” we joked about in 2015? Nor do I have photographer friends that will drop things and come take photos of me, walking through a field filled with barley or fake laughing in to a salad/coffee/avocado brunch filled, samosa drinking morning. Bitter, me? No!
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There’s no pretty mews style houses to take photos in front of. Well there is, but they are made of yellow limestone and heck, do you know how that would interfere with my Instagram feed?
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I have a full time job. I can’t just hop on a plane every weekend and say “See ya later alligator/bitches/losers” to go sun myself on a beach whilst looking glorious as my husband takes photos of me looking sassy. Again, me jealous? No way.
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I have no idea how to do make-up, I don’t have perfectly poised eyebrows ready to “run the world” and a red lip just looks ridiculous on me. If someone wants to make me over and teach me, please feel free. I’m gonna be 30 in 4 years and I need all the help I can get. Insert sad emoji!
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I don’t own one iota of marble. Condemn me to the blogging sin bin immediately. Okay, maybe I had a phone case but that is it.
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I do not, I repeat, do not have the voice for youtube/vlogging and that seems to be where it is at, at the moment?
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THERE IS NO NATURAL LIGHT IN MY HOUSE. Do you know how frustrating it is to take photos without it? I’m currently house-hunting and my main stipulation is that it is south-westerly facing. Crazy, right?
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I have nothing amazing to say. On the whole, I’m quite a boring person. I’ll just leave that one there.
Do you completely get all the feels with this post too? I wanna know & I wanna know if you have anything to add to that list too so we can have a LOL a minute! To be honest though, I am completely happy with that & I’ve finally accepted that I’m just gonna be a little small fry in a very big blogging ocean for the time being.
Bee xxx
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